Communication is one of the most fundamental of life’s needs, making Communication Skills training all the more important.
Communication is not only found in humans, but is continuously taking place between everything around us. Each object as we know, is made up of atoms and molecules. These are constantly interacting and communicating with each other in a language and way of their own. In fact these very interactions give rise to changes within the particles leading to positive and negative entropy over a period of time. Thus effective communication skill is the key to life, material and non-material.
Research has shown that trees communicate with other trees and with animals who are dependent on it for various reasons. For example, look at the case of an ant which lives on or near a tree. The tree provides shelter to the ant and the ant in turn provides the tree with anthills, which provide the best soil for growth of its new saplings. Thus the ant and the tree have a symbiotic relationship which requires communication at every step to make it successful.
Trees and Ants Communicating
Similarly animals also communicate with each other using different languages depending on their species. So an antelope may be warned by a peacock in his own language about the impending danger of a big cat lurking nearby!
In humans also communication happens at various levels; communication with the self which is where all other communication stems from and communication with others.
Communication with the self is the internal dialogue that we keep having with ourselves, the internal tape that keeps running in our minds at all points of time! This voice keeps saying different things to us at different times. Sometimes is criticises us as well as others around us, while at other times it may also give out appreciation. This in turn generates various emotions in us; fear, joy, happiness, sadness, etc. It is these emotions that further go on to determine our actions, behaviours and the communication that we have with those around us.
Our communication with the self gets established right from when we are in our mother’s womb. The foetus registers the environment that prevails around the mother when she is pregnant and starts recording everything on his/her internal tape. Once the baby is born, the environment starts having an even greater impact on him and the voices that he now hears get further imprinted. The external voices of his parents and those around him start creating the internal voice inside his mind.
The external voices tell him about various things, about how he is and how life should be. He also watches and hears the interactions between his parents/ parental figures like teachers and catches onto the spoken and unspoken language used by them. All of these contribute to how he sees himself and the world and make up his inner voice. This further makes up the inner world of the child and give rise to his values, beliefs, fears, motivation, complexes, etc. based on the customs and culture that prevails in his surrounding.
Most of our personality and the inner voice gets formed by the age of 5 years. It is this that usually drives the rest of our lives. The founder of Transactional Analysis, Eric Berne, says that this is the voice which decides whether the child is going to be a winner or a loser or as he terms it, a frog or a prince. This voice determine the script of the person which he or she writes for himself and continues following for the rest of his life, commonly called as the life script of the person in Transactional Analysis.
Based on this very internal communication, the person acts externally, in terms of his behavior, voice, gestures and actions and leads a certain form of predetermined life. If the child has formed a winning script, he or she is successful. If on the other hand he has formed a loosing script, he or she struggles through life and ends it also dramatically.
This script formed in early childhood becomes more and more deeply ingrained into the personality of the person as time progresses. So the person either prospers or deteriorates based on it.
Sounds a little scary, a little doomed? Have no fear, I have good new for you. Scripts can be changed even if they have already caused a lot of damage! How? Through the simple three step approach:
- Awareness
- Acceptance and
- Action
The first step, that is awareness, can get created by observing ourselves directly or through activities like meditation. However this can get difficult especially in the start and hence it may be best to take the help of those around us also. Feedback from others, counselling and coaching can help create awareness which allows us to move towards the first step in peeling the layers of our subconscious mind and unearthing the automatically rising thoughts and feelings which drive us.
The second step, acceptance, gets created by not reacting to what gets unearthed. As one realises that one’s life script is negative, the usual reaction is to feel sad, angry and unhappy about one’s thoughts. However such an approach only fuels the losing script and creates more negative spirals, making it tougher to get out of!
As we accept the thoughts and self-talk that is constantly running inside us and watch it with compassion, we develop an acceptance to “what is” which in turn gives us the power to change. Sounds rather paradoxical doesn’t it, but that’s the truth! Once acceptance takes place, automatically the person moves towards action which creates the change that he or she desires.
So if a person can start getting aware of his conditioned responses towards himself and others and accept them rather than internally fighting with them, he can take action and move out of this trap by changing the voice in his mind. This change in his internal communication can create the difference that he wants in is life and can help him lead a more authentic and fulfilled life, the life of a prince and no more one of a frog.
If you would want to create such a change in the lives of your employees, teams, etc. do get in touch with us at https://theyellowspot.com/ Our Communication Skills Training will help you change your and their world!