Assertiveness training gained momentum in the 1970s, originally as part of the women’s movement, empowering women to voice their opinions in environments where they had historically been expected to stay silent.
But is it just a women’s issue? Not at all.
Assertiveness is a critical skill for each and every person there. It helps professionals communicate effectively, set boundaries and manage workplace dynamics with confidence.
Understanding the Basic Life Positions
To grasp the concept of assertiveness, we must first understand the 4 basic life positions that we tend to operate from as human beings:
| Life Position | Traits | Internal Belief | Conflict Style |
| Aggressive | Dominating, loud, controlling, pushy, wants to win at any cost, portrays superiority | I’m OK, you are not OK | May resort to verbal or physical violence, pushes opinion |
| Passive | Avoids conflict, people pleaser, says “yes” even when wants to say “no”, ready to lose, displays inferiority | I’m not OK, you are OK | Maintains Artificial Harmony, refrains from sharing opinions |
| Depressive | Apathetic, believes nothing is going right | I’m not OK, you are not OK. | May complain or remain indifferent |
| Assertive | Confident and clear communicator. Respect for self and other. | I’m OK, you are OK. | Smooth exchange of opinions. May choose to disagree harmoniously |
Now while all of us keep switching from one position to another based on situations we face in our daily lives, most of us have a predominant position. And its this position that determines how we communicate and manage conflict, what we feel about ourselves and how confident we are.
Recognizing Workplace Behaviours
While we now understand that there’s a difference between an aggressive and assertive person, these terms are often interchangeably used.
And the most famous and extrovert person in your team is not necessarily assertive! They might be loud, participating in every discussion and constantly trying to make an impression. But are they really assertive? Or is there a chance that they are actually aggressive? Think about it…
Then there’s also the one who never speaks up even when they have valuable inputs. They silently accept what is told and when things get difficult, quietly leave the organisation. Where do they fall on the continuum? Could they be passive?
There is also someone who speaks where required, stands up for themselves and is respectful of others. They know how to strike a balance. Could they be assertive?
In the workplace, where power dynamics, egos and conflicting interests come into play, mastering assertiveness requires more than just speaking up. It requires self-awareness, adaptability and strategy.
Assertiveness vs Flexibility
Assertiveness is about expressing your thoughts and needs clearly. But what happens when those needs clash with others? This is where flexibility comes in.
Being assertive doesn’t mean being rigid. If you are too fixed in your stance, you risk being seen as difficult rather than strong. One must know when to push and when to adapt. Self and also situational awareness are therefore crucial. In a fast-paced work environment, priorities shift, deadlines move and being adaptable without compromising your core needs is an invaluable skill.
For Instance, consider you are leading a project. A senior manager asks you to make last-minute changes. An assertive yet flexible response could be:
“Can we have a short meeting to see how we can implement the change you suggested? I would like to understand your perspective behind the same.”
Here you demonstrate an openness to understand where the other person is coming from. And may be ready to incorporate their ideas if found valuable.
Assertiveness & Firmness
Being assertive is also about standing firm.
For instance, you propose a new process improvement. Your manager dismisses it without much discussion.
An assertive response is, “Allow me to come back to you with additional data to support my idea. Kindly review it after I make the additions”
Here, you don’t back down, but you also don’t force your idea. Remember, assertiveness is about respecting yourself and the other.
Handling Criticism Assertively
Criticism is inevitable in any workplace, but how you receive and respond to it defines your professional growth.
Be sure to avoid these two traps:
The Defensive Trap: If you react defensively to criticism, it can make you appear insecure or uncooperative.
Passive Trap: If you stay silent and internalize everything, you risk resentment or self-doubt.
Instead use the Assertive Approach: Acknowledge the feedback without immediately agreeing or disagreeing. Seek clarification if needed and respond with confidence. It’s important to handle the situation without losing your cool.
For instance, your superior says, “Your report lacked depth. I expected more from you.”
Instead of immediately trying to explain, you can say “Thanks for your input. Can you highlight which areas needed more detail? That way, I can improve the next version.”
Giving Assertive Feedback
To give constructive feedback effectively, prepare a concoction of honesty and tact, the magic recipe of assertive communication.
Assertive Feedback Techniques:
- Focus on behaviour, not on personality. Instead of saying “You are careless,” say “Lets double-check the numbers for accuracy”
- Make it constructive. Offer solutions, not just criticism
- Encourage dialogue. Assertive feedback invites discussion, not defensiveness
For Instance, instead of saying, “Your presentations are boring,” you can say:
“Try adding visuals and real-world examples. This could make your presentations more engaging. What do you think?”
Here, you deliver honest feedback without sounding critical. You encourage improvement while keeping the conversation open.
Empathy: A pillar of Assertiveness
Though empathy and assertiveness might seem opposite at a glance yet are deeply interconnected. Assertiveness is about understanding the other and their stance. In other words, it’s about empathy!
For Instance, you are close to the deadline of your project but your team is not even halfway through. You are tempted to say “You need to meet deadlines. This delay is unacceptable.” Try assertive approach. Say “We need to meet deadlines. Lets see how we can work together to ensure our project is on track.”
Final Thoughts: Assertiveness is an Attitude
Most people tend to operate from a passive or aggressive position, as to be assertive you may need to work on your internal belief systems. And that’s why we call it an attitude, which secretly controls all your communication and transactions with others. Which makes it even tougher to change!
However, the modern workplace demands professionals who can navigate difficult conversations, criticism and conflicting priorities without losing their confidence or their relationships. And hence its important that we put in effort to steadily bring ourselves closer to assertiveness.
A quick tip – keep checking on your life position from time to time by asking yourself these questions, am I:
- Clear about what I want and willing to express it confidently?
- Respecting both my needs and the other person’s needs?
- Speaking in a firm, calm and direct manner without aggression or hesitation?
- Comfortable saying “no” without over-explaining or feeling guilty?
- Feeling in control of my response, rather than reacting out of fear or frustration?
If you want to win the battle without a fight, assertiveness is your weapon.
To know more about how The Yellow Spot can help you to be assertive, visit us at ‘https://www.theyellowspot.com’ for more information or reach out at info@theyellowspot.com / India: +91 99677 14310, +91 87792 84314.
